The 'open' look.

Dearest Darling Friends,

 

In the park, a few months old toddler on the next bench, looks at me. It is an open look. Direct from her – to me. She doesn’t know yet that strangers are not supposed to connect. She does not put this knowledge between herself and me. There is nothing in between. I look back. I smile. I wonder, and will her, to smile back. Her parents make her sit down and face forward. She attempts to look again. It's awkward for her to bend forward, to look at me. Yet she does. Her parents think she will fall. They pull her back. In a few minutes, they leave. But then, when they all leave, she turns around, and looks again. After all, we have connected. Therefore, she wouldn’t JUST leave.

 

In the play school, children look at the teacher searchingly, openly, reachingly. They put nothing in between. The teacher is concerned with the books and the toys and the bags and what she needs to teach today and DOES NOT look back. The children keep looking. The teacher sees them but does not 'look'.

 

Do only little children keep nothing between?  Adults too can. However, it is only in special cases and for very small bits of time.

 

If WE meet, I would not look at you like that, nor would I notice if you looked.

 

If you are an old friend, I would respond using the familiar set of response between the two of us. 

 

If you then wanted to relate in some fresh, deep way, it would take me some effort to put our usual set of greetings and dialogues and concerns aside, to put my concern about MY life challenges aside, and to fresh paint my mood so that I am no longer languishing inside it.

 

But it would be easier to depend on my automatic 'unconnected' ways.

 

If I really want to be with you, I will keep nothing in front of me. 

 

When I keep nothing in between, when you look at me, you will find ME. We will connect. I won't hide. You might not look, of course.

 

If you don't look, then, you will meet an insufficient person. It will be an incomplete relationship. It will be 'hollow'. There will be a surface but nothing beneath it.

 

For a complete relationship, no special kind of human being is required. You just need to look. Look without anything in between.

 

If you ever need one, we are waiting for you.

 

With love, prayers and exceptional wishes,

 

naren

 

Imagine, when we wake up, we are given only what we had thanked for.

 

www.lifeschool.co.in

I learnt how to fail.

Dearest Darling Friends,

I crashed my car against a bike a few weeks ago. He was riding in front of me. He stopped.  Unfortunately I didn’t.  The good news is that I emerged totally functional. Great news is, so did they. They were two of them.They were very decent people. There was no fracas, no chaos, no fight.

I apologised. I offered to pay for the bike's repairs. They agreed. We exchanged contact details and I drove on. Here is the interesting part. During this accident,I observed myself responding in 4 stages. I am sure you will mirror yourself with these 4 stages.

1)  My first response: “You are an ass” – As the accident happened,my first response was to search for someone to blame. (Has this ever happened with you too?) In this case, it was the rider of the Bullet bike who decided to stop while making the turn. In my self defense, I reasoned, they were supposed to glide through. Not my fault. The driver had absolutely no concern for whether it would be convenient for me to make the stop. Clearly not a good driver. Irresponsible too. Now, he has me late for my meeting.

2)  My second response: “I am an ass” – My second response came soon after the first.  I sheepishly remembered that I am actually supposed to keep a safe distance. My inner critic showed up in full flow. “What an ass I am! I drive rash. I am always in a hurry. It’s a miracle that I don't have more accidents. I am not fit to drive. There are always too many things buzzing to glory in my head.” It’s a good thing that I was in this mode when I came out of the car. That probably saved me. I apologized profusely which seemed to calm down the brother who was driving the bike. I was saved again his pillion (his sister) was unhurt. he said it so. We examined the damage, exchanged contact information and went our way.

3)  My third response: “It’s okay” – As I drove onward bravely, a little shaken, something in me finally relaxed. I decided to be kind to myself. I reasoned with me. The critic in me was asked to keep quiet. The 'nice guy' in me was convinced, I didn’t need to blame me. I didn’t need to blame anyone else.  I just needed to get over the disappointment of the failure by being compassionate to myself. I let myself smile. I gave myself a hug. I felt a lot better.

4) My fourth response: “What is the lesson here?” – The lessons for me were two-fold.  First, I need to slow down. I need to be more mindful and relaxed. On the surface I was. Deep within there were too many chaoses. There were too many things I was running behind. Second learning: things do go wrong. If we get stuck in the rut of blaming others or ourselves, it makes things worse.

In short, I learnt how to fail well. I gave myself permission to fail, without seeing myself as a failure.  I promised myself I will extend the same compassion to others.

If this resonated with you, please do comment, and share with others. Who knows who needs this article today?

With love, prayers and exceptional wishes,

naren

Imagine, when we wake up, we are given only what we had thanked for.

www.lifeschool.co.in

This Sixty is a 'mix'ty thing.

Dear Friends,

This Sixty is a 'mix'ty thing.

Today is June 20th, 2016. Yesterday I completed 60 years. Am I Old or Young?

These are my thoughts of day before yesterday, addressed to myself. Yes, yes, my friends...you do things like this when you are sixty.

You feel,
You are WANTED everywhere and NEEDED nowhere, In reality,
You are NEEDED somewhere and strictly NOT WANTED somewhere.

You are like BIRBAL's tall and bachcha lines.
Tall ­­ in the working youth group.
BACHCHA ­­ among the senior citizens.

Sometimes you feel on CLOUD Number NINE (with all respects to Bryan Adams),
That you are being taken care off with respect.
And sometimes, YOU regret, even feel a tad scared,
That you are becoming DEPENDENT.

Sometimes You feel,
You have done lot many things in these sixty long years.
And then you realize,
You have missed on so many things in these sixty years. 

Yes, This Sixty is really a 'mix'ty thing.

Till today, searching for JOY for a REASON was but natural.
Now, I feel,
HAPPY within,For no apparent reasons.

Learning for the sake of learning,
Caring without expectations,
Waking up every day for making life more meaningful,Carry more weightage.

Am I not a BACHCHA in this side of the age group?

Then why not live childlike? Curious of everything around,
Unprejudiced and non judgmental.
Soaked in, this very moment,
With mind, body and soul.

It's another story then,
That I will be WANTED everywhere and NEEDED nowhere.

Written by Satish Joshi
snj@archicon.co.in

With love, prayers and exceptional wishes,
naren
Imagine, when we wake up, we are given only what we had thanked for.
www.lifeschool.co.in

'Trial' and 'Error'! The crazy difference!!!

Dearest Darling Friends,

Errors are mistakes we make. They are poor decisions that we would change if given a second chance. For example, let's say, I drink and drive. Because of my inebriated state, I meet with an accident. It was an error to drive when I was drunk. Period! My mind should process it as simple as that. However, this is rarely done. Normally, what happens?

I will want to escape the blame by pinning the blame on to the roads, the diversions, the traffic or the other drivers on the road. If am a 'khiladi', I will find people who would agree with me. They will sympathize with me too. 

They might convince someone to write a book on my sad, heart breaking, soul tearing, experience. Someone might do a research on how these roads are so dangerous for 'poor drunk drivers' and get a PhD too!

Oh hell! Some of my dearest friends (?) may take a rally to make their points public about how 'anyaya' is happening to drunk drivers. I will be the POSTER boy for them. 

Funny part is, I will actually start believing others are at fault and there was NOTHING, at all, wrong with me! Responding like this will have greater harm than I realize. Ironically, I will never accept this fact. 

On the other hand, trials are more nuanced. They are poor results from good decisions that I have made that still feel like errors, but given a second chance, I will make the same choice again and again. 

For example, as they mention in the book 'I Done It', if I see an open Michael Jordan under the hoop, then I should pass it to him, because 99.9% of the time, he’s going to basket when he’s that close. But, if for some reason, he misses the dunk, that doesn’t invalidate the original correct decision to pass it to him. 

It wasn’t an error; it was just a bad result. 

The thing is, emotionally, it still feels like a mistake which can lead me to be hesitant to make the same RIGHT decision again. 

Decisions born out of ego, self-righteousness, incorrect information, over zealousness, follow the mob, are errors of understanding and errors of judgment.

Decisions made with peace in the heart, humility in thoughts, larger good as the intention, thinking about all possible perspectives, can sometimes end still, with a bad result. These are trials.

Understanding the difference between the two (trial and error) will make me a much better decision maker in life.

If it was an error, I will change. If it was just a bad result, I will repeat. Simplicity and clarity on the life game with trials and errors helps me a lot in every aspect of life.

What are your thoughts on this my dearest darling reader? What are your experiences saying about this?

With love, prayers and exceptional wishes,

naren

Imagine, when we wake up, we are given only what we had thanked for.

www.lifeschool.co.in

I'm scared when you say you love me.

You say you love the rain but you use an umbrella to walk under it.

You say you love the sun but you seek shade when it is shining.

You say you love the wind but when it comes you close the window.

So that’s why, I am scared when you say you love me.

BOB MARLEY 

Dearest Darling Friends,

Certain lines take your breath away. When you read them, time stands still. When you read them again, the impact is the same. 

The above lines from Bob Marley always have that kind of an effect on me. It makes me smile. It makes reminiscence happen. It makes me nostalgic. Strangely, it makes me deepen the desire to love and love more. It kind of makes me ready to love and be prepared if I get hurt. 

It makes my heart say, "So what if I get hurt. I want to just go ahead and love and feel the completeness that loving gives. I want to feel the self-worth that loving someone gives. I want to feel the strength within, that loving someone, gives."

What if I am hurt or disappointed? Well, I see it this way. Disappointments are a part of life. That should NEVER stop me from loving, right? 

There is only one exception to the rule. If the intention of the other person is to exploit me, then walking away will be considered. However, that just means we were not right for 'each other'. It does not mean, there is anything faulty about love. 

I love the rains and I am going to dance in the rains to glory.

I love the sun and watch it rise every time I can. As I watch it rise, I think my dear darling Sun is talking to me. It is putting up this spectacle for me to 'understand' something. I love these moments where we play mental games with each other.

I love the wind and even today, I love to put my head just that little bit out of the window as we drive somewhere.

If Bob Marley would have met me, he would have said, I believe it when you say, "I love you".

With love, prayers and exceptional wishes,

naren

Imagine, when we wake up, we are given only what we had thanked for.

www.lifeschool.co.in